Want to Prevent Harassment? Why “No” Means “No” in Business and at Work

As often happens after over 25 years of conducting harassment prevention training (as well as investigating and resolving / stopping workplace harassment), there’s always a spike in harassment reports, as it dawns on some employees that the behavior of their colleague(s) that had heretofore made them uncomfortable, actually fell on the harassment behavioral scale, and should stop.

Case in point: a number of years ago, an employee came to my office right after our annual harassment prevention training to report that one of her coworkers kept asking her out on dates and offering her rides, despite the fact that she kept telling him “no” and that she wasn’t interested. The reporting employee gave me permission to speak to her colleague, and didn’t mind that he would know that she had reported him.

I invited the other employee to my office for a chat. “I understand that you keep asking your coworker out on dates and offering her a ride to and from work, and that she keeps telling you ‘no,'” I began. He nodded. “Yes, I like her, and I’d like to get to know her better.”

“Since we just completed our annual harassment prevention training, this is a great opportunity to explain that your repeated invitations are considered unwanted advances, and are therefore violations of our No-Harassment Policy,” I continued. “Once the answer is ‘no’ to dating or other related behavior the first time, that’s it. One and done. Any other invitations would be considered unwanted advances.” I also showed him the guidance from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which was directly quoted in our Harassment Prevention Training as well as our No-Harassment Policy:

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.

“Thanks for letting me know,” he replied. “I certainly don’t want to make her uncomfortable, and I like working here.” I nodded. “Great, thank you for your time.” He left my office. Later that day, I circled back to his coworker, and let her know about our chat, and asked to keep me posted if there any further issues. She agreed, and we both went back to work.

6 months later, she came back to my office, reporting that her coworker had asked her on a date once again, and that she had told him no. I told her that I would speak to her coworker again. I invited him to my office, and as he sat down in my visitor’s chair, I asked him if had asked the same coworker out on a date. He confirmed the request. “Why did you ask her out again, based on our conversation 6 months ago?” I asked. He was embarrassed. “I thought if I waited 6 months and asked her again, she might change her mind,” he replied. I shook my head, smiling a bit at his creativity. “No means no under our policy,” I coached. “Please don’t approach her again.” He nodded in understanding. “A bit of quick advice,” I continued. “If she’s interested in dating you, wait for her to approach you. However, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” He nodded again, and went back to work. After I circled back to his coworker again, there were no further issues or reports.

Do you and your employees understand that “no” means “no” to ensure the safety of all from harassment, in business and at work?